Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
