i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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