I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it's like heaven, but drunker
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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