And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
