I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
