3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
