At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
