going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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