He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
