I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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