We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
