She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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