This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize