If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
