Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
