I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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