i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
