I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
