would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
