The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
