we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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