Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
