So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
