I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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