Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
