I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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