Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
