I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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