My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
