if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
