..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
