Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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