Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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