I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
