operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
