Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
