You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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