chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
