u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
