His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name