I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob