Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.