pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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