Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
