OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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