If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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