my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
