he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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