so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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