a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
