I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize