The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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