i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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