Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
