Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
