As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
