You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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