You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
