went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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