even my farts smell like vagina
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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