4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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