So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
