I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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