I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
