I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
