God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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