I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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